The other night at a show, I asked for a Killian’s and the guy handed me a Guinness. I don’t like to complain, so I drank it anyway. It was an extra stout (read: extra bitter.) My friend and I got in a conversation about how we believe nobody really likes Guinness, they just pretend because they think its cool. I noted how I thought the bitter taste reminded me of ear wax. My friend lied and said she didn’t know what ear wax tastes like. Whatever.

So last night I was wearing earplugs, sleeping away, and one of them was irritating me. I sort of woke up and popped it out, but was too tired to do anything else so I just held it in my hand and went back to sleep.

My brain then interpreted the earplug in my hand as … a piece of gum that someone in my dream had just given me. You can see where this is going. In my sleep I put the earplug in my mouth and started chewing it!!

It woke me up out of a sound sleep and I sat straight up in bed, simultaneously trying to get the taste out of my mouth, and laughing hysterically.

And the only thing I could think was “Holy shit! This ear wax tastes like Guinness!!” And it was the most hilarious concept in the world to me. It was completely gross, but I couldn’t stop laughing. 

The end.