Futons are horrendous. They are the harbingers of a coming time when humans will no longer sleep. We will be sleep deprived zombies staying up all night watching dvd box sets on our FUTONS, because god knows there won’t be any sleep happening on them.
I was browsing the furniture for sale on Craigslist and I came across an ad for “The best Futon EVER!!!” At $95, this rumpled mass of pet dander and sexual fluids looked like the best candidate for the trashpile EVER.
Have you ever noticed that people tend to have sex on Futons a LOT? My friend has a futon where many an encounter has occurred, because the damn thing is too uncomfortable to actually sleep on. Might as well make the best of it!
I actually slept on it last night… make that slept off.. as in slept off the booze. But as soon as 6:30 rolled around and I was sober enough to realize the treachery occurring to the muscles and tendons of my neck and back… I was outta there.
I’m glad there’s a place to sleep for me when I’m too drunk to drive, but that’s the only way you’ll ensnare me in your uncomfortable folds of metal and wood, futon.